“No one tells you how hard it will be!”

That’s probably the advice I’ve heard the most from recent parents I’ve spoken to.  Although, to me, that sounds like a pretty clear warning to prepare for something that’s going to be really, really hard.  And I’m quite surprised that those people didn’t hear something similar when they were expecting their first child.  What did they hear?

“It’s going to be tricky, but nothing really changes…”

“Having a child is just like looking after a cat…”

So to prepare for what could be the hardest challenge of our lives, here are a few things I am expecting for us that will likely change in the lead up to Nov:

1. Approx. 4 hours of sleep a day.  From what I’ve heard about the baby needing to feed and to keep waking up during the night, this sounds like a reasonable expectation.  If we get any less than this than someone needs to tell us now!
2. Approx. 20 hours of crying a day.  I got to this number by simply subtracting the amount of hours we’ll be unconscious from the length of the day and expecting that those hours will be consistently full of tears (the baby’s or our own!).  If we’ll be crying while we’re sleeping then someone needs to tell us now!
3. Baby turds will get everywhere! On our clothes, in our hair, on the new white crib and, I’m sure at some point, we’ll inadvertently taste it.  But if fire comes out of there then someone needs to tell us now!
4. Not being able to go out! Although, fortunately, Jess and I are already an old, married couple so this will suit us just fine.  If we are required to be more social when the baby comes then someone needs to tell us now!
5. Jess and I will get on each other’s nerves! And we will likely not agree on a lot of things.  But if we get through a hard week and the baby passes out and there’s a chance one of us will turn down the offer of a cold cider on our balcony then someone needs to tell us now!