We have such high (and often unrealistic) hopes for ourselves when they’re freshly born, don’t we?

Just for fun, so we can all have a good hearty laugh together, these are the things I said I’d never do before I became a parent (in my infinite and knowing wisdom). Eye roll.

• feed them sugar
• let them ‘cry it out’
• kiss them on the mouth
• lose my patience (ya ummmm ok)
• give them screen time
• feel the urge to shake them (sorrrrryyy but if you’re a colic mama you’ll understand)
• cater to them by making a separate meal at dinner (or breakfast… or lunch…)
• let their nap schedule dictate my day
• use food or TV as a reward
• stress about taking them on a plane (ha. ha. HAAAAAAA)
• miss being in the workforce
• eat food my toddler has dropped on the floor
• eat food my toddler has dropped out of her own mouth
• talk about my kid’s poops in great detail with my spouse
• skip a workout because I was too tired

…are you rolling on the floor laughing? You should be; I certainly am.