Category: Tom

Tom’s Take On: The Baby’s Perspective

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Hello, bump here!  Good lord, things are weird in here!  Only a few weeks ago I had enough space to swing a cat but now the walls are slowly creeping in.  I’ve tried elbowing and kicking the walls but the entrapment feels inevitable. It is nice and cozy though.  

“Only 5 weeks to go” I keep hearing from the voices in the ether.  I have no idea what will happen in 5 weeks or what 5 weeks is but I’m sure it’s very important as the voices keep talking about it.  It almost feels like the walls are poking me when the voices talk about the “5 weeks”, but that’s crazy.

I’m still having fun with the kicking stones I found a few weeks ago.  They’re so much fun!  They slowly drift towards and then away from me in a rhythmic motion and I just can’t help but kick them.  Kicking them also makes the walls shake and poke me and they seem to communicate with the screechy voice.  I like the screechy voice so I try to kick the stones as much as I can.

The deeper voice is talking to me more often, which I like.  It keeps telling me it has secrets for me if I move my head downwards but nothing happens.  I’m not sure what secrets are but they sound fun, I’ll keep trying to get closer when I hear the voice.  It’s tough to hear the deep voice at times as it’s so loud in here (note: if it ever went silent I’d go insane!) but sometimes it tries to speak in a melodic tone.  It’s terrible, and seems to upset the other voices as well.

The voices sound stressed at times.  The higher one talks about movement issues and sometimes seems to worry about the future (whatever that is) and the deeper voice sounds stressed with things called work and money.  They only sound stressed at times though so that makes me feel good.  If I ever meet the voices I’d want to tell them not to worry.  Just relax and kick things and all is good!

That’s all for now.  I think I might squirm around for the rest of the day.  Bye!

Tom’s Take on: What to Expect

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“No one tells you how hard it will be!”

That’s probably the advice I’ve heard the most from recent parents I’ve spoken to.  Although, to me, that sounds like a pretty clear warning to prepare for something that’s going to be really, really hard.  And I’m quite surprised that those people didn’t hear something similar when they were expecting their first child.  What did they hear?

“It’s going to be tricky, but nothing really changes…”

“Having a child is just like looking after a cat…”

So to prepare for what could be the hardest challenge of our lives, here are a few things I am expecting for us that will likely change in the lead up to Nov:

  1. Approx. 4 hours of sleep a day.  From what I’ve heard about the baby needing to feed and to keep waking up during the night, this sounds like a reasonable expectation.  If we get any less than this than someone needs to tell us now!
  2. Approx. 20 hours of crying a day.  I got to this number by simply subtracting the amount of hours we’ll be unconscious from the length of the day and expecting that those hours will be consistently full of tears (the baby’s or our own!).  If we’ll be crying while we’re sleeping then someone needs to tell us now!
  3. Baby turds will get everywhere! On our clothes, in our hair, on the new white crib and, I’m sure at some point, we’ll inadvertently taste it.  But if fire comes out of there then someone needs to tell us now!
  4. Not being able to go out! Although, fortunately, Jess and I are already an old, married couple so this will suit us just fine.  If we are required to be more social when the baby comes then someone needs to tell us now!
  5. Jess and I will get on each other’s nerves! And we will likely not agree on a lot of things.  But if we get through a hard week and the baby passes out and there’s a chance one of us will turn down the offer of a cold cider on our balcony then someone needs to tell us now!