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North West Jess

Tom + Jess + Hennie + Wells

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Oh hey there 👋🏼 I’m Jess. There are a helluva lot more peeps in this space nowadays so I thought I’d share a bit about myself. Full disclosure: I’m pretty boring so these are the best I could come up with. Also I think I use self deprecation as a defence mechanism. Oooohh, bonus fact! • ✖️I believe that most food is just a vessel for moving various dips into my mouth, and my favourite food is probably “sauce”. Especially mayo. But also hot sauce. Jalapeño ranch. BBQ. Guac. Sweet Chili. Plum. You name it! ✖️After waitressing for 13 years I eat most of my meals standing up. Worst. ✖️Because of a bizarre language requirement I needed in order to graduate Uni I can translate the Bible from the original Hebrew into English. Applicable life skill, right? ✖️My anxiety-reducing tools of choice (what I call my “free therapy”) are cardio and baking. When shit hits the fan my kitchen smells amazing. ✖️I used to hate karaoke before I tried it. Then I won a karaoke competition in Turkey singing Sinead O'Connor (weird right? It’s awkward and it’s on YouTube) and later met my husband during karaoke night at the bar where I worked. When Hen is older we’re gonna have all of her birthday parties at karaoke bars and embarrass the shit out of her. ✖️I love to watch British crime dramas and not really much else 🇬🇧 ✖️When I was 12 I founded, printed, and distributed my own family newspaper. I guess even before social media existed I already felt the need to overshare 😂 ✖️My singular life goal is to upsize our condo to a townhouse and fill it to the brim with babies and plants while penning a novel of heretofore unforeseen hilarity. ✖️I believe in being honest even when it feels awkward or difficult; unfortunately I think this must have led to a lot of hurt feelings in my earlier years before I realized (at like 29) that there are good and bad ways to deploy your truth 😬 #PleaseBeMyFriend • Thanks for following me even though I’m a boring mom who posts photos of her gorgeous children and then complains that they’re assholes. Stick around, say hey, and tell me something just as boring about yourself so we can be friends! 💁🏼‍

Monday morning running on very little sleep has been salvaged by a massive cold brew, a few funky records, and an Amazon delivery of 96 fresh crayons 🙌🏼 • • • • #crayola #mondaymorning #toddlersofinstagram #twoundertwo #letthembelittle #colouring #tiredaf #momlife #sahmlife #2under2 #notanad #reallifewithsmallchildren #yvr #noonansyndrome

Excuse me while I perpetuate an image of peaceful slumber that is totally not an accurate representation of my current phase of motherhood. • Two under two is a struggle. I know that my newborn is still very new and I’m still deep in the crazy fourth trimester so I’m attempting to give myself a little grace but DAMN am I struggling. I’m struggling to get out of the house with two kids. I’m struggling to let go of my mounting guilt and anxiety. I’m struggling with this fussy phase and finding new ways to soothe a gassy baby who seems so uncomfortable in his growing body. I struggle to be patient with my toddler when she cries because I won’t let her eat a raw potato in the grocery store (def ended up giving it to her. Shockingly, she wasn’t a fan). I’m struggling and it’s totally okay and totally normal for where we’re at. And I’m not asking for help, just recognizing that this parenting gig is not all sleepy posed newborns on IG, and I never want this space to just be a highlight reel of my life or make anyone else feel like we’re having a breezy time (though we are rockin’ it as best we can 😜🤘🏼). Wellsy is fussy as shit these days and woke up seconds after this pic so he could cry in his car seat all the way to Omie’s. #HonestMotherhood forever ✌🏻 • • • • #newborns #fourthtrimester #twoundertwo #myhonestmotherhood #babiesdontkeep #babiesdontsleep #confessions #realparenting #babyboy #fiveweeksold #myformerbump

#CurrentlyProcky • Hen: obsessed with bananas and poking her baby brother in the eye. Loves the way a fuchsia crayon pops against mama’s new white kitchen cupboards. Enjoys doing exactly the opposite of what she is told (with a cheeky smirk). • Wells: livin’ for the tit and growin’ out of his clothes two months ahead of schedule. Enjoys spitting up down mama’s shirt when she’s freshly showered. So gassy he gave himself a hernia. • Tom: secretly likes being back at work but won’t admit it to his wife. Scored the first goal of the season for his football team. Doesn’t talk about his feelings but can somehow manage to pen a 17 paragraph gaming review to post on his IG. • Jess: pining for the weekend and the day she can get back into her old pants 🙏🏼 Yearning for a conversation deeper than “hi” and “bye” and “eyes”. Tired af. Call me. • #ProckyFam #myhonestmotherhood #familyoffour #twoundertwo #twoundertwoclub #familyfriday #motherhoodrising #newborn #postpartum #5weeksold #22monthsold #imtoooldforthis

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